Jeff Spicoli (Sean Penn, Fast Times at Ridgemont High, 1982)
|
Jeff Spicoli (Sean Penn, Fast Times at Ridgemont High, 1982) |
|
Get out your popcorn folks, because the summer movie season is officially here. Van Helsing, the big-budget, effects-filled monster blockbuster is finally here to kick off the summer in grand fashion. I had my doubts going into this movie because, frankly, it’s been getting horrible reviews and the obscene budget and massive amount of CGI had me worried that this movie would follow Universal’s previous summer blockbuster disaster, The Hulk. Hugh Jackman kicked off last summer’s season with the awesome X2, and I have to say that overall, that was the better movie. Van Helsing is not nearly as bad as some critics have been reporting, and it’s a fine way to start the summer. The movie definitely has its flaws, and I’ll get to those momentarily, but it’s got a talented cast, eye-popping visual effects, and some of the most gorgeous women I’ve ever seen assembled in one movie. I mean, come on, this movie has “summer blockbuster” written all over it. The movie’s plot is pretty straightforward, even though it gets a little bit drab and hard to follow in certain areas. And I’m sure nobody seeing this movie is there for the plot. The story details the adventures of Van Helsing (Hugh Jackman), a legendary monster hunter with no memory of his past who is the most wanted man in Europe and known by most people as a ruthless murderer. He is actually the Vatican’s secret hitman, an assassin who, oddly, is supposed to bring his targets back alive. Not surprisingly, he’s failed every time. After the movie’s opening scene with Van Helsing battling the legendary Dr. Jekyl/Mr. Hyde in Paris, he returns to Rome and is ordered to travel to Transylvania to prevent the remaining two heirs of the royal Valerious family from being killed and oh, while he’s at it, kill Dracula. Before he leaves, he is given an arsenal of cutting-edge 19th century weapons by Carl (David Wenham), the Vatican’s friar/weapons expert who is very reminiscent of 007’s Q. He unwillingly accompanies Van Helsing on his quest and provides most of the movie’s comic relief. As our heroes arrive in Transylvania, they encounter the stunningly beautiful Princess Anna Valerious (Kate Beckinsale) and her brother Velkan (Will Kemp), two monster hunters who are attempting to carry on their family’s legacy by destroying Count Dracula (Richard Roxburgh). The Count is feverishly trying to acquire Frankenstein’s Monster (Shuler Hensley) in his lavish scheme to revive his legions of undead children with his three gorgeous brides. Meanwhile, Velkan is turning into The Wolfman and Anna is desperately trying to save her brother before it’s too late. After aiding the villagers against the brides’ attack, Anna partners with Van Helsing to save her brother and destroy Dracula once and for all. That’s the basic plot, thin that it is, and the rest is just eye candy and excessive CGI. While CGI is nice to look at, it starts to lose its appeal when it’s used too much (The Matrix, The Hulk) and this movie is a perfect example of CGI overkill. Several of the effects looked fake and the movie loses the “wow” factor when you realize it’s the result of some nerd sitting at a computer for months, and not actually real stunts. A lot of the monster transformations and stunts looked too cartoony and animated, and the blue screen is used in just about every scene. When will Hollywood realize that tons of money spent on computer effects doesn’t make a good movie? Hell, Universal should have learned that from The Hulk. Studios should wise up and put those millions elsewhere. The director, Stephen Sommers, (The Mummy, The Mummy Returns), also wrote the script and his writing leaves a lot to be desired. Several of the dialogue scenes drag on and I found myself getting bored more than I was expecting. The movie definitely picks up towards the film’s climax, and the ending of the film is rather surprising. I should have seen it coming, but I admit I was caught off guard. The movie is well-cast for the most part, with a couple of stand-out performances, as well as some miscasts that are painfully obvious. Hugh Jackman owns the movie, though his character is very similar to that of Wolverine, from the X-Men movies. I’ve heard that Jackman was reluctant to take the part due to the similarities of the two characters. His character is referred to as Gabriel in this movie, although I could have sworn that, in past movies, Van Helsing’s name was Abraham. Just a minor fact that caught my attention. Kate Beckinsale is the perfect actress for this movie, and she’s beginning to make a career out of vampire/werewolf movies. She initially caught my attention in Pearl Harbor and she’s continued to impress me since. She looks absolutely gorgeous here and complements Jackman well. Richard Roxburgh is miscast as Count Dracula and his overacting and accent are just over-the-top. His scenes involve little more than standing around whining with his brides and walking on walls (to show off the impressive wire-work, I’m sure). The film is more or less an assembly of Universal’s classic monsters, and appears as a kind of Monster All-Star lineup, similar to last summer’s utterly horrible League of Extraordinary Gentlemen. With every creature from Dr. Jekyl to Igor, the movie is packed with make-up layered monsters. The stand-out performance in this movie is that of David Wenham, who played Faramir in the Lord of the Rings trilogy. His bumbling, comedic sidekick is the highlight of the movie and several of his scenes evoked laughs from the audience. Aside from a few other one-liners, his scenes provide the only comedy in the film. Such as when he asks a woman to have sex, and when she’s shocked that he’s a man of the cloth, he replies, “I’m not a monk, I’m a friar.” Like that makes it okay. Classic. I hate to come off as the typical chauvinistic male for any females reading this…but the T & A in this movie is enough to make your head explode. And believe me, it’s no accident. Anna and Dracula’s three brides, played by Josie Maran, Elena Anaya and Silvia Colloca, wear tight, revealing outfights the entire movie and I found myself staring at cleavage and Beckinsale’s candy apple ass more than I was concentrating on the plot. When the brides are transformed into their flying bat-like form, they appear to be nude, although nothing explicit is seen. Anna’s pants are so tight I swear I don’t understand how women can get into that stuff, let alone move…and those boots…whoa. And the luscious redheaded bride with the massive cleavage was some of the best eye candy I’ve seen in a while. Thank God for WonderBras, huh guys? And for the ladies, Jackman has his shirt off a lot and is wet and wearing nothing but a loincloth near the end…if you’re into that sort of thing. And I’m not alone here because every review of this movie I’ve read describes the luscious females and abundant T & A. It really helps to make it through the movie, believe me. While the overused computer-generated effects drag the movie down and take away from the overall experience, this movie is not nearly as bad as some critics have said. It could have been better and Dracula was a sore disappointment, but the movie is enjoyable nonetheless. It was an entertaining thrill ride with tons of balls-out action…and what else would you expect in a summer blockbuster? The next Indiana Jones he’s not, but Van Helsing has the means to be a new action hero. I just hope any future sequels devote more time to plot and less on CGI. And keep up with the gorgeous women. The movie’s a great summer movie opener, and I can’t wait for the next big vampire blockbuster, Blade III (I still can’t believe it was pushed back to December). The brainless plot is a let-down, but who needs brains for summer movies anyway? So grab some popcorn and enjoy the ride. X2 it’s not, but it’s still a lot of fun. |
|
© 2002 - 2007, MovieJustice.com Powered by: ezDatabase 2.1.1; © 2003 - 2010 IndexCOR LLC |
