''For a nation of pigs, it sures seems funny that you don't eat them! Jesus Christ forgave the bastards, but I can't! I hate! I hate you! I hate your nation! And I hate your people!''

Billy Hayes (Brad Davis, Midnight Express, 1978)
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Being Human (1993)
Review by 10k (October 5, 1994)

Director: Bill Forsyth

Cast: Robin Williams

Writer(s): Bill Forsyth

Country: USA

Length: 122 minutes

MPAA Rating: PG-13

Reviewer's Rating
D
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There has never been a film I have been lost for comment on. Finally, there is one. Well, maybe I shouldn't say finally. It's not like I've been waiting for one. I always like to form some sort of opinion about a film after I've seen it. This film was the first one I couldn't. It was extremely frustrating after seeing it to not have an opinion one way or the other. The movie seemed to try on so many levels it failed to achieve even a satisfactory level of comprehension. There's a lot of shit amidst the story, if there is one.

The film begins with a voice over of a woman, apparently telling a story off the top of her head. She fumbles through a few different opening lines for her story, as many writers do. I would have preferred to have had this taken care of during the rewrites of the script. If the filmmakers weren't even sure how to begin the film, why should we be forced to suffer through their brainstorms. If you're going to make a film I would only assume you would have hammered out the opening lines. The way it was done was very garbled and unsatisfactory.

The first story, or segment, in the film, we see Robin Williams as a stone age man. We see him briefly with his children. Briefly with his wife. Briefly hunting. And briefly having sex. We are not shown any character development whatsoever, so why should we possibly care what will happen to these people. Then strange man come. Take wife. Take children. Robin mad. Yell, "Mine!". Strange man do something with strange rocks. Give Robin chicken foot necklace. Keep wife and kids. Strange man leave. Robin upset. O.K., big deal. Give me the next story.

Next we see Robin as a Roman slave. We learn, now that he speaks in better English, that his name is Hector. Hector and his master, played by John Turturro, are very good friends. For some reason that was confusing to me, Master asks Hector to die with him for some crime that Master has committed. They sacrifice chickens. They eat chicken. They sacrifice chickens. All in hopes of the Gods telling them they don't have to kill themselves (I now know why the psychic hotline does the business it does these days. Live chickens are kind of hard to come by in the city). All the while Hector is trying to get Master to free him so he can die a free man, but yes, he'll die with Master. At this point, I was very moved. The emotions were flowing off the screen so thick I needed a shovel to remove the crap from my TV screen. Yes, Master dies. He stabs himself in the heart and dies in Hectors arms. Then Hector steals his shoes and coat. Hector the free man leaves in search of his family. Let's try the next story.

The next seemingly irrelevant segment gives us Hector as a medieval peasant. At this point I'm beginning to wonder if the costume designer was a position they actually needed for this film. Same ratty clothes. Different patches. Anyway, now we are told by the voice over from Hell that this is a love story between two people who don't speak each others language. Great, just what I need. Somebody saying something that I can't understand, in a film that makes no sense, in a language even the other character can't comprehend. Let me tell you, this film is going places. Bing, bang, zoom...Hector leaves his lovely little foreigner and doesn't worry about not having to lie to her because she doesn't know what the hell he's saying anyways. Next, please.

O.K., now we're in Spain, or somewhere around there. Hector is a Spanish conquistador. He is one of many people who were on a ship heading home when it sunk, sending them all to this little beach. How quaint. Some die. Some don't. Many leave in search of their homes. Hector tries to make amends with some woman for whom we have no sympathy because we don't know what he has done. Look, at this point of the film I was really getting pissed. What does this all have to do with anything. I'm just not getting it.

Finally, we are set in modern times. Hector is going to pick up his children from his ex-wife. He has apparently not seen them for quite some time. The kids act very cold towards him. The kids loosen up. Happy campfire scene. End of film.

I know a lot of people are going to want to see this film. Robin Williams has great habit of picking first rate material most of the time and everyone knows that. It's also a movie everyone should see. If for no other reason than to explain to me what the hell it all meant. I'm left clueless. I'm sure this is one of those movies I should see again to try to better understand it, but if it was worth comprehending, shouldn't it have been clear after the first viewing? Besides, I have no desire to see this movie again.

If there is one message that I could see pulling from this film, it's this - Man can't help being confused sometimes, because we can't fully understand our past lives and experiences. I just think it's kind of crappy to throw a movie at us that makes us more confused than we were. I have nothing left to say except Robin Williams was okay in it with what he had to work with.

And what were all the damn chicken references for? Someone please tell me.



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