Your favorite Monty Python Sketch or Movie Options

[Rick]

Mine has to be Monty Python and the Holy Grail. And my favorite sketch is "The Knights The Say Ni!"



Knights of Ni: Ni! Ni! Ni! Ni! Ni! Ni!
Arthur: Who are you?
Knight of Ni: We are the Knights who say..... "Ni"!
Arthur: (horrified) No! Not the Knights who say "Ni"!
Knight of Ni: The same.
Other Knight of Ni: Who are we?
Knight of Ni: We are the keepers of the sacred words: Ni, Ping, and Nee-womm!
Other Knight of Ni: Nee-womm!
Arthur: (to Bedevere) Those who hear them seldom live to tell the tale!
Knight of Ni: The knights who say "Ni" demand..... a sacrifice!
Arthur: Knights of Ni, we are but simple travelers who seek the enchanter who lives beyond these woods.
Knights of Ni: Ni! Ni! Ni! Ni! Ni! Ni! Ni! Ni! Ni!
Bedevere: No! Noooo! Aaaugh! No!
Knight of Ni: We shall say "Ni" again to you... if you do not appease us.
Arthur: Well what is it you want?
Knight of Ni: We want.....

(pregnant pause)

A SHRUBBERY!!!!

(minor music)
Arthur: A *WHAT*?
Knights of Ni: Ni! Ni!! Ni! Ni!
Arthur: No! No! Please, please, no more! We will find you a shrubbery.
Knight of Ni: You must return here with a shrubbery... or else you will never pass through this wood... alive.
Arthur: O Knights of Ni, you are just and fair, and we will return with a shrubbery.
Knight of Ni: One that looks nice.
Arthur: Of course!
Knight of Ni: And not *too* expensive.
Arthur: Yes!
Knight of Ni: Noowwwww.... GO!

(a brief glimpse of the now-dead historian, with his wife talking to two policemen and pointing the way that the knight went)

(screen: THE TALE OF SIR LAUNCELOT, interrupted by the animation sketch "Bloody Weather")

(screen: THE TALE OF SIR LAUNCELOT, this time followed by the Tale of Sir Launcelot ( see SWAMP PYTHON, transcript #12 from the film ))

Scene: Arthur and Bedevere, in a nearby village, where an old crone is beating a cat. They stop and talk to her.
Arthur: Old Crone! Is there anywhere in this town where we could buy a *shrubbery*?
(minor music)
Old Crone: Who sent you?
Arthur: The Knights Who Say "Ni!".
Old Crone: Aaaugh! No. Never, we have no shrubberies here.
Arthur: If you do not tell us where we can buy a shrubbery, my friend and I... will say... we will say... "Ni!".
Old Crone: Aaaugh! Do your worst!
Arthur: VERY WELL! If you will not assist us voluntarily..... (he and Bedevere look around to see if anyone is looking) Ni!
Old Crone: (in pain) No! Never! No shrubbery!!
Arthur: Ni!
Bedevere: Noo! Noo--
Arthur: (to Bedevere) No no no no, no, it's not that, it's "Ni!"
Bedevere: Nu!
Arthur: No no, "Ni!"; you're not doing it properly.
Bedevere: Nuh!
Arthur: "Ni!"
Bedevere: Ni!
Arthur: "Ni!" That's it, that's it, you've got it.
Bedevere: Ni!
Arthur and Bedevere, repeatedly: Ni! Ni!
(the old crone writhes in pain)

Roger rides up on a *real* horse and looks down at Arthur and Bedevere.
Rober: Are you saying "Ni!" to that old woman?
Arthur (caught in the act) Ummmm.... yes.
Rober: Oh, what sad times are there when passing ruffians can say "Ni!" at will to old ladies! There is a pestilence in this land! Nothing is sacred! Even those who arrange and design shrubberies are under considerable economic stress at this period in history!
Arthur: Did you say "shrubberies"?
Roger: Yes. Shrubberies are my trade. I am a shrubber. My name is Roger the Shrubber. I arrange, design, and sell shrubberies.
Bedevere: (to Roger) Ni!
Arthur: (to Bedevere) No! No no no, no!

(scene change: Arthur and Bedevere standing in front of a low shrubbery, surrounded by a 1-foot-high picket fence. The Knights of Ni are examining the shrubbery.)

Arthur: O Knights of Ni. We have brought you your shrubbery. May we go now?
Knight of Ni: It is a good shrubbery. I like the laurels particularly. But there is one small problem.
Arthur: What is that?
Knight of Ni: We are now *no longer* the Knights Who Say "Ni"!
Other Knights of Ni: Ni! Shh! Shh!
Knight of Ni: We are now the Knights who say "Ekky-ekky-ekky-ekky-z'Bang, zoom-Boing, z'nourrrwringnmmm".
Other Knight of Ni: Ni!
Knight of Ni: Therefore, we must give you a test.
Arthur: What is this test, o Knights of..... Knights who 'til recently said "Ni"?
Knight of Ni: Firstly, you must find....

ANOTHER SHRUBBERY!!!
(minor music)
Arthur: Not *another* shrubbery!!
Knight of Ni: (excitedly) THEN... Then, when you have found the shrubbery, you must place it here, beside this shrubbery, only slightly higher, so we get the two-level effect with a little path running down the middle.
Other Knights of Ni: A path! A path! A path! Shh, shhh. Ni! Ni!
Knight of Ni: Then, when you have found the shrubbery, you must cut down the mightiest tree in the forest... Wiiiiiithh.... A HERRING!
(minor music)

Arthur: We shall do no such thing!
Knight of Ni: Oh, please!
Arthur: Cut down a tree with a herring? It can't be done!
Knights of Ni: AAugh! AAAAAH! Oww!! (writhe in pain)
Knight of Ni: Don't say that word!
Arthur: What word?
Knight of Ni: I cannot tell; suffice to say, it is one of the words the Knights of Ni cannot hear!
Arthur: How we *not* say the word if you don't tell us what it is?!
(Knights of Ni are in pain again)
Knight of Ni: Ahhhh! 'E said it again!
Arthur: What, "is"?
Knight of Ni: No, not "is"! You wouldn't get very far in life not saying "is"!
Bedevere: My liege! It's Sir Robin!

Sir Robin and his minstrels "ride" up.

Minstrels (singing): He's sacking it in, and packing it up,
and sneaking away, and buggering up,
And chickening out, and pissing a pole...
Arthur: Sir Robin!
Robin: My liege! It's good to see you!
Knight of Ni: Now *'e* said the word!
Arthur: Surely you've not given up the quest for the Holy Grail!
Minstrels, by way of answering:
He's sneaking away, and buggering up,
Robin: Shut Up! No no, no, far from it!
Knight of Ni: 'E said the word again!
Robin: ...I was...looking for it...
Knights of Ni: AAAAAAAuugh!
Robin: uh, here--here in this...forest.
Arthur: No, it is far from this place.
Knight of Ni: Aaaaaaugh! Stop saying the word!!!!
Arthur: (getting really annoyed with the Knights of Ni) OH, STOP IT!!
Knight of Ni: Ow! He said it again!
Arthur: Patsy! (motions all of his party to move on)
Knight of Ni: Wait! I said it! I said it! Oh! I've said it again! And there again...that's three hits!
Arthur, Bedevere, and Sir Robin ride off with the minstrels and Patsy.

Voice over, with animation:
And so Arthur and Bedevere and Sir Robin set out on their search to find the enchanter of whom the old man had spoken in Scene 24.
Beyond the forest they met Launcelot, and Galahad, and there was much rejoicing.
In the frozen land of Nador, they were forced to eat Robin's minstrels... and there was much rejoicing.

A year passed.

Winter changed into spring;
Spring changed into summer;
Summer changed back into winter;
And winter gave spring and summer a miss and went straight on into autumn.

Until one day.

[Film Elemental]

Agreed. Grail is my favorite. I remember seeing the film first at a friends when I was 7 and being completely confused with the film yet still enjoyed it very much. I think I was confused because in truth the film had no step-by-step plot and at that young age it was hard for me to grasp the concept of a film set-up that way.

[Rick]

I wish I had the film - I'd really like to see it again!

[Film Elemental]

I wish I had the film - I'd really like to see it again!

I'd recommend getting the DVD. I borrowed my brother's recently and its two discs full of features. Many of them are very much Python. Such as a version of the film dubbed in Japanese, Subtitles for People Who Don't Like the Film (taken from Shakespeare's Henry IV, part II) On-Screen, and How To Use Your Coconuts (an educational film)<--perfect example of subtle British humor. Its also in widescreen which was a relief after seeing the film in VHS the past 7 or 8 times I have seen it.

[Klassik]

Movie: Holy Grail. Meaning of Life is still awesome, though. Haven't seen Life of Brian
Sketch: Gotta be Dead Parrot, from Flying Circus. So damn funny.

"If you hadn't have nailed it to the perch, it would be pushing up the daisies!"

[Rick]

Your haven't seen Life of Brian? Oh man, you're missing out, dude. Especially the Stoning Scene.

"Alright, alright...who through that stone?"

"He did it, he did it!"

"I did not."

"Lair. Hethen! Stone him! STONE HIM!!!"

[iluv2viddyfilms]

Movie - The Holy Grail

Scene- the Fat dude at the restaurant in The Meaning of Life - "Care for a mint?"

[Feenix]

Movie: ...And Now For Something Completely Different (No offense, but I think The Holy Grail's a little overated)

Sketch: I'd hafta go with the Dead Parrot sketch as well.

"This parrot has ceased to be!"

[Film Elemental]

Movie: Holy Grail. Meaning of Life is still awesome, though. Haven't seen Life of Brian
Sketch: Gotta be Dead Parrot, from Flying Circus. So damn funny.

"If you hadn't have nailed it to the perch, it would be pushing up the daisies!"

That reminds of the old, 70's SNL skit that had something to do with a dead rat in a pickle jar but now I cannot remeber it. Or Toonces the Driving Cat. My friend had an SNL tape of those old skits and then he also had Holy Grail so everytime I went over there when I was younger I would watch those. Hilarious stuff.

[Rick]

AH, one of my favorite sketches - it's a shorty but a goody - is the dancing fish sketch. My second, is the exploding bush sketch.

[iluv2viddyfilms]

That reminds of the old, 70's SNL skit that had something to do with a dead rat in a pickle jar but now I cannot remeber it. Or Toonces the Driving Cat. My friend had an SNL tape of those old skits and then he also had Holy Grail so everytime I went over there when I was younger I would watch those. Hilarious stuff.

Toonces the driving cat was the coolest!!!


I love the skit where Linda Hamilton is the host and they do a skit of that with the Terminator and Toonces is one of them chasing them down in the car.

I laughed my ass I off

I cried and I hurled

[Film Elemental]

That reminds of the old, 70's SNL skit that had something to do with a dead rat in a pickle jar but now I cannot remeber it. Or Toonces the Driving Cat. My friend had an SNL tape of those old skits and then he also had Holy Grail so everytime I went over there when I was younger I would watch those. Hilarious stuff.

Toonces the driving cat was the coolest!!!


I love the skit where Linda Hamilton is the host and they do a skit of that with the Terminator and Toonces is one of them chasing them down in the car.

I laughed my ass I off

I cried and I hurled

Yeah, that skit was on their also. The only problem is I never completely got it since only a few months ago did I finally see Terminator and its been years since I have seen Toonces.

[Holden Pike]

"I have a gweat fwiend in Wome cawed Biggus Dickus."

Monty Python's Life of Brian is their best, most complete film. But all four are wonderful and among the best comedies ever made. And Now For Something Completely Different..., being filmed versions of the best skits from the first couple seasons of the TV show, is the one most forgotten. The Meaning of Life is their most underrated and underappreciated, even though the best bits in it rival the best of anything they ever did. And then Holy Grail and Meaning fo Life usually fight it out among most fans as "the best". For me it's an easy call: Life of Brian.

Best sketch? Hmmmm. If I had to pick one, I'd go with "The Cheese Shop". Simple and hilarious. But 95% of the stuff from "Flying Circus" is some level of genius, so any of 'em, really.



"If life seems jolly rotten,
there's something you've forgotten
and that's to laugh and smile and dance and sing..."

[Klassik]

Having just seen Life of Brian, I must agree with Holden. My main beef with Holy Grail and Meaning of Life were the endings. This one (Life of Brian), had a hilarious and wonderful ending, plus the whole thing was funny as hell.

-Klassik

[Steve1537]

Since I'm surrounded by Python fans, I'm not sure if fI should say this, but....




I'm not a Monty Python fan.